Tommy is a beautiful baby. He gets all the ooh's and aah's from all the other moms, as they all gather together in their women's fellowship group from church. Chris is rather happy being a stay-at-home mom. Tommy's dad, Gus, works in a prison, and he is not home much. Gus has a long drive to work, and also has to work lots of overtime. Several of his co-workers got injured on the job, and everyone who's healthy ...has to help with the slack. As a young boy, Tommy is rather sensitive. His dad appears quite the opposite. Chris knows that Gus has appeared to change, but realizes that the work at the prison must be taking a toll ...and down deep, this is still the loving man she married. Tommy is not able to perceive this though. Though Gus does not intend it, Tommy perceives it as rejection. There was a riot in the prison. Gus is tired, and has not had much sleep, a result of all the required overtime. It is Tommy's birthday ...but Gus says he has to work overtime again, to give some of the others a break.
Gus is brief, "Tommy will just have to understand, Chris. We will have to celebrate on another day!"
Chris pleads, "Can't you just go up ...and wish him a happy birthday? Since you'll be working a double, you won't get home until midnight. He won't even see you on his birthday!"
Gus is obviously stressed from work, "He's probably asleep, and I don't want to wake him. I'm already late ...I'll see him tomorrow."
Chris watches Gus leave. She picks up a book someone from the women's fellowship had given her. The book is about perceptions. It says that perceptions are often more powerful than what happens, or the real reason why something happens ...because perceptions become a person's reality.
The next couple years do not provide any less stress for Gus at work. Tommy perceives that his dad does not want a relationship with him. Tommy gets a rubber ball and child's baseball glove for his birthday this year. He gets real excited about it ...but his dad doesn't have enough time to play with him.
The following year Tommy gets a fishing pole for his birthday ...but there appears to be no time for fishing either. Tommy fishes for some attention, but only mom appears to have time.
Tommy has to remain in the wings while mom attends her women's fellowship group. There are other children that have to join their moms too, but no boys are Tommy's age ...only toddlers. Tommy is a polite boy, and he does get some attention. The ladies teach him how to make tea and coffee ...and soon he is serving the entire group, including crumpets. He is party to all their compliments ...and comments.
At school, he wants to relate to the other boys, but they just laugh when he doesn't know how to throw or catch a ball. The girls are the ones who rush forward, in defense of Tommy, telling the boys how rude they are. This only makes it more awkward for Tommy, and the other boys even laugh more. Tommy feels intimidated by the boys, and doesn't know how to change it ...or how to relate.
Tommy watches the other boys from afar. He watches them play ball on the school playground, and wishes he could join them ...but every time he is met with, "Here comes Mama's boy!"
Tommy wants so badly to be accepted by the other boys, and he hates the association with being accused of being a "Mama's boy". To make matters worse, some of the boys start calling him a "girl". The girls come to his defense again, but Tommy feels they were the problem in the first place ...because he could have taken a little teasing, if they had just stayed away and not tried to baby him. But now he is unable to endure it. Tommy is not polite to the girls, and he firmly rejects any attention from them.
Then there is another prison riot. One of the prisoners had fashioned a shank, and Gus is killed. Chris is devastated. She desperately needs support, but doesn't know where to turn. She eventually returns to her women's fellowship group. She encourages Tommy to come too, telling him they all miss him. Tommy knows the women enjoy him, but he doesn't want to serve them anymore. He is old enough to stay home by himself, and so he rejects the offer.
Tommy also continues to reject the girls at school, making it very clear that he doesn't like them. But he is still rejected by the other boys ...and he doesn't know how to relate, becoming increasingly uncomfortable with their rejection of him. Tommy doesn't know anyone who has to cope with this kind of misery he has to endure. He looks back to all the empty promises, and fleeting hopes ...with only disappointment after disappointment with his dad, now never will there be a chance to reconcile any of it.
Tommy desperately needs to connect with who he is ...but it is hopeless. They had all formed cliques ...and it would be uncool to associate with Tommy, since no one ever did. And this past year, all the boys began to show interest in girls ...which Tommy had already made abundantly clear that he had no interest in.
A new boy then transfers to Tommy's school the following week. It is rumored that he was transferred because of a problem he had with girls in the other school. Apparently this boy had liked girls too much. This bit of spicy gossip alarms the moms ...and they all tell their girls to stay away from him. The dads tell their boys not to associate with him either ...which is not a problem for the boys, as they don't welcome any competition anyway.
But there is no dad to advise Tommy. He quickly picks up on the ignoring and rejection that the new boy is receiving. Tommy feels sorry for the new boy. The rest of the school begins spreading false rumors that the boy is "gay".
Years later, news travels quickly that Tommy had just committed a brutal act of violence ...killing another young man with a baseball bat. As details come in, it is reported that the man Tommy killed was a "gay" man. The media stirs the cauldron. Others join the bandwagon, creating their own assumptions and form of outrage. One report says that Tommy is a Tea Party Republican.
Suddenly, everyone is silenced as they hear Tommy killed the man he was living with. The report said that Tommy had told him that he was leaving him. The police report stated that, in brief, that Tommy broke down in tears, and confessed that he had killed the young man with a baseball bat.
The media looked at the story, of two "gay" people, and no longer wanted to cover the story.
There were a few details that were left out, however. Tommy would have his day in court, and would be able to tell the whole truth ...if he chose to. But as far as the media was concerned, they had little interest. They had received much attention from the quick controversial story ...and there were other fish to fry.
The truth is, that in the morning of that tragic day, Tommy was reminded of another tragic day. A package was delivered, with a special verbal apology. The package had been misplaced, and seemingly forever lost ...for seven years, as it was. Then someone suddenly found it, and Tommy had to sign for it ...verifying its absurdly late, yet eventual actual delivery. Tommy understood why they had to verify the actual delivery, yet he was not as concerned as they were. They had to do a job, but Tommy couldn't imagine the package as anything of much importance to him.
Suddenly, something struck Tommy. It was what was stamped on the package ...the date. It was hauntingly familiar to Tommy. It was the date of his dad's death.
Tommy waited until the delivery man drove away, out-of-sight. He was alone. He opened the package. It was an adult-size baseball glove, and a hard ball. There was also a note with it. The note read:
Dear Tommy,
I know I've failed you as a father. I was always too busy for
you ...and then I guess you must have felt I didn't care, and you
sort of withdrew. In some ways, I guess, I never understood you,
and when you withdrew ...I'm embarrassed to say I felt I often
wished I had a son more like me. But, I'm ashamed of myself,
not you. I am so sorry ...and I'm glad you are not more like me.
I guess I never wanted to admit that anything or anyone could
ever change me ...and I denied the fact that I was really being
influenced too much by the image I try to maintain in the prison.
I see you've grown to be a young man, in spite of me, and I just
want to say I'm proud of you.
Here's a new glove, and a hard ball. I play too much hardball
at work ...but now I'm looking forward to playing it with you,
the right way.
I want to get to know you better. I love you, son.
Dad
Tommy sat there crying for a long time. Then his friend, Francis, came home.
Francis had been notified on Facebook, of a protest that was being organized at a local Chick-fil-A. Francis tries to tell Tommy all about it, but Tommy isn't listening.
Finally, Tommy says, "I have to leave, Francis."
Francis asks, "Can I come along?"
Tommy fights back the tears, "You don't understand, I have to leave, and I don't know how long I'll be gone ...honestly, I don't think I'll be back."
Francis gets frantic, "What do you mean, you don't think you'll be coming back? Have you met someone else, is that what you are trying to tell me?"
Tommy releases some of the tears, "No, it's nothing like that!"
Francis tries to pry, "It has to be ...you must have met someone else!"
Tommy cries, "I have to have some time by myself!" And Tommy leaves.
Tommy takes only the box with the new glove and hard ball with him. He goes to a sporting goods store, and buys a baseball bat. Then he goes to the cemetery where his dad is buried.
Tommy talks aloud, "You said you wanted to play ball with me. I'm sorry I disappointed you. You said you were proud of me, but I don't think you'd be proud of what I've become ...since you died. But I love you too ...and here I am. The kids at school won't laugh. I have the adult glove you bought me, and the hard ball. But since you can't play catch, I'll just show you how hard and far I can hit a ball."
Tommy tosses the ball gently into the air, and swings as hard as he can. He didn't know that in desperation, Francis had followed him ...and that Francis was stepping out from behind the gravestone, at this very moment. Tommy imagines hitting the ball a mile ...but instead it is Francis who lies beside the ball, in a pool of blood.
Yes, he could tell them how this had accidentally happened ...but Tommy doesn't want them to know. He feels so terrible about what happened to Francis, he feels he deserves to go to prison.
But it is more than that ...he wants to go to prison. His entire life it felt like he was living behind a steel gate, that was locked. But now the gate is unlocked, and now, for the first time in his life, he feels free ...even being locked behind steel bars. He will be going to the prison where his dad had worked. Tommy hopes they still remember his dad. He'd heard his dad was stabbed in the act of trying to save someone else. There have to be some "lifers" still there who remember more in detail how it happened. His dad must have been so brave. Now, he will be brave too ...he will take it like a man. It matters not how they lock him away, his heart is now free.
Tommy is escorted away in handcuffs. He whispers through the tears, "I love you so much, Dad!"
I wrote this little story after reading the article by Julie Harren, Ph.D.; which referenced and addressed the "Born that way" theory. (http://www.narth.com/docs/hom101.html)
I can understand, and care about those involved in such sad affairs of life. To understand is to help correct ...to not help to correct is arguably ...not caring.
Abraham was thinking of Sodom, and caring about his nephew who lived there. Abraham said, "If there be fifty ...if there shall lack five of the fifty ...if there be forty ...oh, let's not be angry, if there be thirty ...if there be twenty ...yet, once more I will ask, if there be ten?"
Obviously, there was some disconnect ...why his nephew chose to live there. The men of the city threatened him, and near broke his door down ...and when he warned others, they mocked him. But even knowing their character, this nephew had such a disconnect that he offered his two daughters, that they would do unto them what they felt was good in their eyes.
But "good" had long since departed from their understanding. Yes, we feel we understand where things perchance went wrong ...but we need to correct it, as what sometimes appears as acceptable is often not acceptable. It often shocks us, as it evolves into something we would have never expected. It's because we don't trust God that it is wrong ...and therefore fail in any attempt to correct it. Do we understand the emotional torment a young girl is in ...as she visits the abortion clinic in her youthful desperation? Yes, yet, who advised the wrong? Do we want to cry for the person who could not find any love ...and finally found it in a relationship that God does not count as a blessing. Yes, we understand the love they need ...and we need to lovingly help them understand the disconnect, and correct the wrong of it. Do we understand that a boy who is beaten his entire childhood, often resorts to violence in his latter years? Do we excuse that violence because we understand where it came from? No, we have to deal with the violent behavior first ...and lovingly try to help them, without subjecting anyone else to the risk that they will be injured, or perhaps turn out to be violent themselves.
Oh, dear God, we pray for wisdom!
